One of the most troubling issues in our society today is the fact that if a person is thoroughly incompetent and unable to do his job, he is promoted up through the chain of command rather than fired and sent on his way. This “Theory of Rising Incompetence” plagues school at a student’s level to school at an administrative level to the Armed Forces to the highest levels of American Government (think of President Clinton).

This means that by the time a man makes his way to the highest levels of command, he is bereft of skill and sometimes unable to perform the most menial task. The theory itself is that if a person is in a lower position, he is capable of doing more damage. Therefore, promote him to a higher level where his influence as a whole is lessened, thereby rendering him harmless.

During the height of the Cold War, nuclear scientists could do analytic geometry and super-advanced-trigino-algebraic calculus until it was coming out their ears. However, they were unable to make a pot of coffee. This is the only reason Glenn Seaborg and Linus Pauling had secretaries.

Often, generals in the army assume their positions because they do less damage to the men when they’re tucked away in an office filling out paperwork all day. If an incompetent general leads troops into battle, there is a great chance many men could wind up dead. Therefore, an incompetent General is told he’s needed “back home (where you can’t get more men killed, you idiot!)” When Frank Burns temporarily assumes command in the television series M*A*S*H, he tells the cross-dressing Max Klinger, “The next time I see you in a dress, I’ll promote you!”

The same is true of the American system of government. As a man is promoted up through the ranks of our infinite political machine, he becomes more and more out-of-touch with the public. Therefore, the public forgets about him. When this happens, his potential to wreak havoc on the legal system reaches a point of diminishing returns. President Clinton is a prime example of the incarnation of American incompetence: any news article dealing with the “conflict” in Kosovo should mention that.

Few things are untainted by the Theory of Rising Incompetence. One of the areas of society most plagued by it is public school administration. How many principals and vice principals across the country were once teachers at the schools they now administrate? It is the same thing we see in the Armed Forces and the government: an incompetent teacher will have a greater chance of being promoted than a competent one. If a poll were ever taken, the number of teachers-turned-administrators might scare the American public.

But we as students should not be frightened by the Theory of Rising Incompetence. After all, it is just a theory which has yet to be proved. It has no bearing on how well the administration at Ygnacio Valley works or how effective President Clinton’s influence is. It is blatant farcical doggerel….isn’t it?